In light of Valentine’s Day, I would like to talk about the concept of the “perfect partner.”
I have had three long-term relationships in my life, and a number of short ones sprinkled in between.
In all three relationships I have, at some point or another, thought that he was “the one” and envisioned us getting married and spending our lives together. However, in both relationships previous to my current relationship with J, I had nagging doubts, though nothing was hugely “wrong”. I always attributed those doubts to me just being young and not feeling ready to get married. Especially in my last relationship, because he was great on paper. He had all the qualities I thought I wanted in a man: he was tall, and good looking, and spontaneous, we had the same interests and we went on countless adventures together.
However, now that I am in my current relationship with J, I realise that those nagging doubts meant something. The “perfect” partner on paper means nothing. Now, I have fallen in love with a guy who I thought was not my type – J is my height, has reddish hair, has a giant beard, and likes to garden and bike and relax on the couch. And I have never felt more fulfilled in my entire life.
The first time J hugged me, before we ever started dating, he gave me such a tight, warm hug and all I remember feeling was that his arms felt so good and so right. I could tell already that he was a very caring person. He felt like home.
J has made me realise that having the “perfect” partner is not the same as creating a “perfect love.” J supports my interests – whether it is blogging or photography or baking – and isn’t solely focused on his. He is always willing to help me out – in the kitchen, with the laundry, when I’m feeling overwhelmed. We are often thinking the same thing, and it’s weird how much we’re on the same page. He anticipates my needs and can pick up on a hint of a bad mood and knows that “I’m fine” doesn’t mean “I’m fine.” He is giving, loving, respectful. He is an amazing father. He will goof around with me in the kitchen. He is open and willing to talk about everything, even difficult stuff.
All these things are so much more important in a relationship than finding a man who is taller than you. Or who doesn’t have a giant red beard. And now I love his giant beard anyway :)
I feel so lucky to have found J.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Much love to you.
For a great article on this topic: Who is the Perfect Partner? via Psychology Today